# I got my horse right here My name is Paul Revere
# And here's a guy that says if the weather's clear
# Can do, can do
# This guy says the horse can do
# If he says the horse can do
# Can do, can do
# I'm pickin' Valentine 'cause on the "Morning Line"
# A guy has got him figured at five to nine... #
I'm going to take better care of myself.
- I won't nag. - I'll always remember to call.
I will not lose my temper in public any more.
- I'll gamble less. - I'll worry less about money.
I'll worry less about money. OK, let's synchronise your watch.
OK.
10.27, and I'll be finished at noon. I can be home by 12.30.
I can shower, nap, have lunch.
By 12.45, we could be having sex.
- You know, I figured out my problem. - Yeah? Share it with me.
God hates me.
Jay, God loves everybody.
Not this horse. That's why I'd like to have one day...
You'll never understand. It's OK, it means nothing.
- It's not important. - I'd like to understand. Explain it to me.
You can be walking around lucky and not know it.
- Excuse me? - The fortune.
That's what the fortune says. "You can be walking around lucky and not know it."
Lovely. Well, you know what mine says?
- "Stand by your man." - Fabulous!
- I'll save that. Take another. - You ruined it. I'll take this one.
- How could I ruin it? - You touched it.
- I didn't open it. - If you touch it, it's your fortune.
It's pointing to you. How do you know what it means?
- There are rules. - What?
The international rules of fortune cookie taking? Want me to lose my temper?
- Look... - Excuse me!
Sorry. What happens when you touch someone else's cookie?
- It's no good any more. - See?
- I never heard that. - If you open it, it's your fortune.
- Are you an authority? Shut up and eat! - No, you got to eat it or it doesn't count!
- I don't believe this! - Only a cookie.
It's not just a cookie!
(ALL ARGUE)
- Where to? - Ramada Inn.
He'll hear!
- He can't hear! - I can't. My husband...
...is a jealous man.
OK, but I won't wear the pillowcase.
Can I call my wife?
(SHE LAUGHS )
# Money talks
# Mm... Money talks
# As they all go spinning round Keep your feet upon the ground
# Money talks #
- The horse, it's worth 5 or 6 grand. - Those the papers?
Sam, are you telling me
you had the boy hold Charity back for the last eight races?
That would be illegal. just give me the five grand. I'm good for it.
'Cause the track officials will be all over your ass.
The only way Charity can lose on Saturday
is if she's struck by lightning in the starting gate.
# There's a fine line between reality and a vision in a dream
# Who knows which one is the truth?
# It's a hard life for the other half Who can't see what it means
# Better listen when the man inside your heart begins to call
# 'Cause money talks
# Mm... Money talks #
Bet heavy. You'll laugh all the way to the bank.
# Money talks
# Mm, money talks
# Mm... #
- (RADIO PLAYS ) - (CAR HORN BLARES )
I got some fabulous smut you're going to love! Listen to this.
I've no interest in your filth.
It's a piece of business! This guy puts a pillowcase over this babe's head!
Bet heavy. You'll laugh all the way to the bank.
- I went too far. - What was that?
- Nothing. I want you to hear this! - I want to hear that.
- It's nothing! - If it's nothing, play it back.
- What's my end? - The tip of your life.
Bet heavy. You'll laugh all the way to the bank.
Are you telling me you had the boy hold Charity back for eight races?
That would be illegal.
'Cause the track officials will be all over your ass.
The only way Charity can lose on Saturday
is if she's struck by lightning in the starting gate.
Oh, my God!
My God!
This is incredible! I can't believe this!
- Who would believe bullshit like that? - What?
Trotter!
- This is too good to be true. - You are a jackass!
You know that? The man just said
the only way this horse can lose is if lightning strikes!
- What? You like the odds on lightning? - These are guys rehearsing for a play!
Give me a break! What did he say? The horse runs on Saturday.
What is it now? It's...
...it's Saturday right now!
Trotter, what's the matter with you?
I don't know. I feel different.
Oh, yeah! Different than what?
- I can't explain this. Play the tape again. - Trotter!
Remember something? You gave up gambling.
This would not be gambling.
Gambling involves risk. It involves chance. It involves uncertainty.
This is just taking advantage of an extraordinary business opportunity.
( RADIO - LATIN MUSIC)
If Charity loses, I want my $5,000, plus two grand for the taxi driver.
Watch my lips.
The only way Charity loses this race is if she gets struck by lightning.
- Yeah, lightning... - (REWINDS )
Are you telling me you had the boy hold Charity back for eight races?
No. That would be illegal.
'Cause the track officials will be all over your ass.
The only way Charity is going to lose
is if she gets struck by lightning in the starting gate.
You get the tip of your life.
Bet heavy. You'll laugh all the way to the bank.
Are you telling me you had the boy hold Charity back for eight races?
# Lots of people walking around this place
# With a different story on every face
# Hearts on fire Will they make it through?
# At the wire will they win or lose? #
The horse'll probably swallow its tongue.
We're putting everything we've got on Charity's hot nose.
Hot nose? What? Is she sick or something?
Well, besides, I only got $10.
Don't worry. I got $100 stashed away for a day just like this.
Well, I'm not you.
- Lucky me. - Yeah.
# There's a perfect time when you're tempting fate
# And you lay your money down
# When you cross the line to another place
# Comes a time when you got to Let it ride
# There's a perfect time when you're tempting fate
# And you lay your money down
# When you cross the line to another place
# Comes a time when you've got to Let it ride #
(PREACHES )
Had the daily double!
Yes, sir! Here, have the daily double.
- Why buy that? - He had the daily double.
Stop acting like a hick off the bus!
- 18 months ago! - Sue me!
(THINKS ) 100 tip sheets at $3 a piece. That's seven racetracks a day.
Seven tracks makes it 700 racing days a year. $ 1,400,000 a year! This is a...
It's a lot! What can I say?
- You like Chiquita's Banana in the first? - Who?
Had the daily double!
I got a bad leg. Take this $20 and bet the sixth horse for me.
Bring me back the ticket, honey.
It's a living.
- This is your half. - For me?
Put it under your tongue. Whoa! Let's go across the street.
Let's get a beer.
I don't know, I feel different today. Today is not like yesterday.
Well, yesterday was hot. Today is very hot.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS )
Hey, hey! How about a beer and two aspirins? And two Maalox.
Hello, Vibes.
No, this is bullshit, you talk bullshit!
- I think he's dead. - Hey, Looney, here it is.
- Charity, the four horse. - Might be a late scratch.
- 40-1 on the "Morning Line"! Jesus! - That'll go down. I like the Packers.
I'm not kidding. This horse is a real dog!
Listen to this, "Not in this lifetime."
Perfect!
I might bet a half on the Packers. Who knows? They may not lose too bad.
Who knows? Maybe you'll get a discount for coming close!
I told you about my 32-star system, right?
Well, I haven't put up a 40-star system in years.
First race, Blurred Image is it.
- It's a name that trips off your tongue. - Give me its number.
- Seven. - No way on earth!
Bullshit! You bet an American horse with a foreign jockey up,
- there's bound to be... - It's eight! I'd stake my life!
- There's a $2 minimum bet. - Lo Fat? What's that, milk?
This horse stinks, but I'm betting 150 on his nose.
- 150 what? - The number's the key!
- The odds? - The number came to me as you got in!
- I thought you were dead. - No, I was getting the number. It's eight!
- First, I clear my mind of everything. - That shouldn't take long.
- Look at that. Could be worse. - You got to pay attention.
Just relax.
(INHALES DEEPLY - COUGHS )
Good. You can't think of nothing. Not even women.
Two jugs pop up, it'll take 17 minutes to get rid of them.
(BAR CHAT AND NOISE BLUR IN HIS HEAD)
How about a beer?
A number is going to flash! Four!
Six! Nine! It'll move like the son of a bitch, so keep your eyes open!
In sports where you need teams, letters appear!
- I see a "D". - That could be Dallas or Denver!
- Or "Da Giants". - Right!
- What's the matter? - I saw my life flash in front of my eyes.
- How was it? - Going down the drain.
We just had a vibe on the five horse, Sink Or Swim!
Your life is going down the drain, right?
Sink! Drain! Don't you get this connection?
- Oh, God! - That's incredible!
Hey, I'm trying to educate you guys!
The two horse in the second is a lock and I'm going to wheel him!
Boys, meet Evangeline!
Evangeline, meet the boys! Looney, Vibes, Marty. Where's Trotter?
I don't belong here with these losers,
you know that.
I belong over in the Jockey Club,
talking to guys with all their teeth.
Look, I...
I know you're trying to give me a break.
Just let me win this once. Just let me win this one last one.
I can make everything up to Pam, be out of the hole, and I'll be on my way.
OK? I will, I swear.
I'm due.
- Yeah, so's Jesus! - There's no soap over here.
- No shit! - Let it ride!
Let it ride? I hate this place.
Can I see some ID?
- She's 19! - I got a dog of 19.
Who's her orthodontist? Ray Charles?
- Sidney! Don't... - Let me. Let me.
Oh, I see. Let me.
I think I got it, I got it. There you go. That better?
(PA) Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Today's main track is listed as fast.
The turf course, firm.
(PA) Please note that this afternoon's main race has been taken off the turf
and will be run at a mile and one-sixteenth on the main track.
- That the one? - Yeah, that's the one.
- Hi, Evangeline. - Hi. It's my first time at the track.
- Over here! - Excuse me. Pardon me.
There you go!
- Trotter. - Sidney.
Look at the five horse. Looks like it's asleep.
A horse with a large ass in a field like this, it's a winner.
- Who do you like? - Four.
Thanks for shooting your mouth off!
- The four horse? It's got leprosy. - The coat's rough...
Why are you talking to people? This isn't the Olympics.
I like Charity, too. He's got a cute nose.
- The five's a mortal lock. - You can play a tune on the three's ribs.
They're so pretty!
Charity's conscious!
- There's the guy and the other guy... - Keep your voice down.
(INAUDIBLE)
This is in the bag.
(LOONEY) Last-minute strategy.
He's probably telling him to go wide on the first turn.
(INAUDIBLE)
Go fast and win.
He made the bet. Let's go.
You really think Charity can win?
- Do I really think Charity can win? - Yeah.
I'm walking around in yesterday's suit.
And I recall recently telling my wife I would stop gambling.
And that I was to move back home right after work this morning.
If I listen closely, I hear my wife telling our attorney, "Go for his balls!"
You're really asking me if I think Charity can win?
Yes, I think Charity can win!
I think she'll lose by a nose.
(BUGLE CALL)
(PA) We are calling for trainer A J Brady.
Trainer A J Brady, please contact the stewards.
Please note that in this afternoon's eighth race,
number seven, Hasty Flier, will now be included on today's placing list.
Some relative die? I'm sorry.
Hi, Cheeseburger.
Hey, Trotter, who do you like in the first? Who do you like? Come on!
Come on, tell me. Come on, it's Cheese! Who do you like? Come on, tell me!
- The number four horse. - Come again?
- The number four horse. - Four...
(MOCKING LAUGH)
Nobody in his right mind bets the four horse!
The four horse is a joke, Trotter!
I love this guy!
They put little kids on the four horse to have their pictures taken.
The guy with Sammy Davis Jr round his neck is bothering the customers.
- Can I get some help around here? - Hey, Trotter's betting the four horse!
Hey, watch it, watch it! The four horse is a goddamn Clydesdale!
One win ticket on the number four horse, please.
This is the $50 window.
The $5 window is just over there.
Give me a win ticket on Charity!
(TAPS OUT TICKET)
- Thank you. - It was nothing.
Yoo-hoo, Trotter! Isn't this exciting? The flamingos, the fresh air!
- Did you bet? - Yeah!
(PA) The horses have now reached the starting gate for the first race of the day.
A reminder of the late scratch in here, Vagabond Star.
Fresh air and conviviality are important to one's well-being.
Can we have two spots on the rail, and I'll pay you after the fourth race?
(CRIES OF COMPLAINT)
- There you go! - $5 a space, 23 to 24 spaces a race,
9 races a day is...
- $1,400 a day! That's a lot. - Yeah, for being big.
(PA) The horses have now reached the starting gate.
Marty's horse looks suicidal.
Who do you like in the first? The four horse?
- Hey, down in front, you big lug! - Who said that?
( CROWD GOES QUIET)
(PA) The assistant starters are taking hold of the runners.
Here's Burgles Delight in the inside gate,
joined by Dream Roadblock, going in quietly.
Shy Ruler will be next. He goes without any problem.
- Trotter, I got a bad feeling. - No, no!
In order for you to have a bad feeling, you've got to have had a good one first.
(PA) Charity hesitated momentarily, but there goes Charity, in quietly now.
Sink Or Swim coming forward, then it'll be Chiquita Banana and Blurred lmage.
Guys And Dolls forward.
The flag is up!
Away they go!
Go!
(PA) It's Sink Or Swim, then Shy Ruler.
Then Dream Roadblock...
- Still a long way to go. - Shut up!
... Guys And Dolls in last.
On to the back stretch, the long shot, Charity, opens up to lead by 3 lengths.
Shy Ruler in second, then Sink Or Swim.
The favourite, Blurred lmage, Lo Fat...
Guys And Dolls is last!
At the quarter pole, still Charity, Blurred lmage on the outside!
Blurred Image! That's Marty's horse!
- Blurred lmage is coming in... - Don't do this to me!
Blurred lmage, Charity's final try...
She's dying! Aah!
Charity on the inside, Blurred lmage coming up alongside...
I thought we had a deal!
Who won?
- Who won? - Photo.
It was a photo?
Glad I didn't bet.
- You didn't? - I would've had a heart attack.
That's why I only bet $2 on the longest shot,
so I don't get my heart pulled.
- Why is it on so long? - Blurred Image was Marty's horse.
He'd be thrilled if he won.
I don't deserve this anguish.
( QUIET PIANO )
Are you all right? Have some nice beer.
I quit drinking.
They got a winner.
(PA) The winner of today's first race, number four, Charity...
- You won! - ...second, Blurred lmage,
third, Dream Roadblock.
The winning time, one minute 36...
Times 28.40, you're rich!
Is that official?
I can't believe I didn't bet that!
What wonderful people!
I'd hate to walk around this joint with $700 cash!
710! You'll never have that problem,
because the only reason I won is that you didn't bet!
You are the unluckiest person in the world!
- Am not! - Am!
- Who do you like in the second? - The six horse looks good.
- Got a brother? - In Cleveland.
Call him! Ask him who he likes. I figure it's in the blood.
You had it! You were the one who had it!
You knew! You're the unluckiest person in the world!
You don't have to get personal!
(HE HUMS )
Congratulations. You got the long shot.
20, 40, 60, 80, one...
- Down payment on a new fridge. - ...80, two...
- ...80, three... - Towards the rent.
- ...80, four... - Flowers for Pam. Dinner for both of us.
- ...six! - Parking tickets.
This is $710.
I'm rich!
# I got my horse right here My name is Paul Revere
# And here's a guy that says... #
Hey, Trotter, long time no see!
# Can do, can do
# This guy says the horse can do
# If he says the horse can do
# Can do, can do
# I'm pickin' Valentine 'cause on the "Morning Line"
# A guy has got him figured at five to nine
# But look at Epitaph he wins it by a half
# According to this here in the "Telegraph"
# For Paul Revere I'll bite I hear his foot's all right
# Of course it all depends if it rained last night
# I'm pickin' Valentine 'cause on the "Morning Line"
# A guy has got him figured at five to nine... #
# Ba-ba-ba-bum... #
(THINKS ) Let's see, what is that? 30 to 40 a day,
$ 180 to $200 a week, $720 a month...
- It's not a lot of money. - No, no.
I got kids in college. This dollar will pay for a minute's tuition.
Buy a new joke.
(HE HUMS )
- Walking tall. - Thank you!
The beer's head has all the vitamins and minerals. All you need to live.
A's, B's, C's...
- There. You don't take this? - Are you serious?
(TROTTER HUMS TO HIMSELF)
You look a little taller.
Anybody want a beer before I go home?
- Hear you had a big win. - He hit the long shot.
I'm buying.
I may not have a bunch of money, but I know I did the right thing,
which is not betting on a sure thing.
I knew a guy once, comes to the track, hits a $75 daily double.
Has to borrow money to get home.
You know, I told you guys which horse I was going to bet.
Remember the time you rat-holed a five up your ass?
He was so broke by the last race,
he had to drop his pants in front of the window to get at it.
(LAUGHTER)
A winner knows when it's time to quit.
(TROTTER HUMS )
- What a race! I can't believe we won. - It was that photo.
- Excuse me! Excuse me! - Did you see that?
My name is Trotter.
I have a very close friend who drives a cab.
It's a coincidence, but he likes to make tapes...
- I knew something would go wrong! - Got the tape?
What do you want?
- How much do you want? - No, I won $710 and came to thank you.
How much?
- I was only here for the first race. - What do you want?
I'm not a blackmailer.
- Take the tape. - Where's the original?
That's it! There are no copies. I'm not a crook.
Neither am I... Hey, I thought we had it won, but you never know.
Even when you know, you never know.
- Yeah, I know! - Exactly. This is the only tape?
- Yeah, that's it. - How did you like that photo?
- Tense! Yes. - You didn't make a copy?
I just came down here to say hello.
I'm on my way home.
There's a horse in the third race. Got a good chance.
This is the only tape?
Absolutely.
The reason I like this horse a little,
my jockey says the jockey riding Faith Healer
has got a grand riding on him.
The last grand he saw was the Grand Canyon.
Must have borrowed it.
- Faith Healer? Seven horse. - I got a couple of bucks on him.
- Put $10 on him. Who knows? - Who knows?
- Exactly. - Yeah.
Look, I have to go home.
Take my seat at the Jockey Club.
And take this. You might need it. You know? You never know.
- You never know. - No, you never know! Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
- Give me a burger. - One burger.
- Why do you like this Faith Healer? - Talking to me?
I hear you're hot, Trotter.
- 'Cause I won on one lousy race? - You never know.
Seen dumber guys than you win two in a row.
- 25, 2, 3... - The funny thing is,
if I'd only bet $2, I'd be up $28.
- I thought a hamburger cost $1.50? - Honest mistake.
- Why do you like this Faith Healer? - How do you know I like Faith Healer?
You might be walking around lucky and not even know it.
You know what I mean?
I just work here.
- You finished with that? - Knock yourself out, pal.
# Do-do-do-do-do... #
Yo, Mr Trotter! Mr Trotter, you have a minute?
Yeah.
What do you like in the third?
- Yeah! Seven horse. - Seven horse. All right!
I won't forget this. I will not forget this.
80...700.
Let it ride.
Welcome home.
On what?
A win ticket...on Faith Healer.
Most guys get lucky, they bet $3 on the next race.
Just give me the $50 win tickets on number seven.
(SNIFFS DEEPLY)
(TAPS OUT TICKETS )
Trotter, you've shrunk.
I got an idea to make big money. We take the tape and confront the trainer.
With what he made, he won't mind slipping us $5,000.
- I don't like blackmail, but... - I got rid of the tape.
Wha...ah!
- I just saved you from a jail sentence. - I'll get you for this!
(PA) The horses have now reached the starting gate.
$50 on June Bug to win!
It's my cat's name.
Away they go!
- (PA) Faith Healer going best of all... - Come on, Faith Healer!
Win, win, win!
- Yes! - Yes!
(BOTH) Yes! Yes! Y-E-S!
I'm never, never going to forget this!
Never!
Well, well, well!
I shall require your autograph.
So will the IRS. You can't win that kind of money without owning up.
(TELLER COUNTS )
$2,450.
Shoes?
Ah!
Mm-hm!
Ah!
Thank you very much, sir.
My name is Greenberg.
- Vicki. - Trotter.
I'm pleased.
I didn't realise we were having a beauty contest at the track today.
- He thinks you won a beauty contest! - I could have.
- If you didn't, I would have bought it. - Bernie is rich.
- Nice to meet both of you. - Thanks. Likewise.
- What are you on in the fifth? - Who do you like in the fifth?
- Bernie lost his ass already today. - Whoa! Zip it!
Hey, you want to know my philosophy?
Nobody knows you got money, what's the use of having it?
I got a condo. The thing is worth 700% more than I paid for it.
I don't need a place that big. Do I need that?
- Mm-mm. - But I like space. Space!
- He likes space. - Guess how many bathrooms it has.
I don't know! That's how many it has!
He found six.
Six bathrooms.
- I got to get even. I'll bet a grand now. - Excuse me.
- She's got very long legs. - Right.
They go from my ass all the way to the floor. My legs.
True.
Would you like to drink, sir?
- Any Wild Turkey in season? - Sir!
(DINERS LAUGH)
Kill one for me.
Thank you.
Have you a pen?
- Is a pencil OK? - Thanks.
You're welcome.
May I buy you a drink?
I don't see why not. I'm on the pill.
Rum.
(PA) The horses for the fifth race are on the track.
- I like the number six horse. - Lord Byron?
- I enjoy gambling. - I'm having a good day.
Lord Byron, Lord Byron...
Byron...poet,
poetas, poetamus, poetatus...
Poetic.
- Like this room. - Yes.
Normally, I don't like to bet the favourite, but $2,500 times two is $5,000.
Do you come here...
- ...often? - Every day.
- Really? You gamble every day? - Of course.
Do you...
Has gambling affected your home life?
Ruined it.
Has gambling affected your reputation?
Honey, some people like to rub me for luck.
Hurry up with that rum!
- You feel lucky? - I'm hot.
I can tell.
Lord...Byron.
- I like Lord Byron. - I love Lord Byron.
I think I'll go bet it.
- Hi, Charley. - Hi, Vicki.
- Sorry! - I'm terribly sorry.
- Excuse me. - Sorry. Really.
- Can I get you anything? - No, thanks.
- Flowers? - No, thank you.
Quaaludes?
One more collision like that, you're getting glasses!
Hey, what did I do? What did I do?
There he is!
- You won't be picking any more pockets! - What's going on?
- You have the right to remain silent. - I want the right to bet Lord Byron!
- Let's go, Morgan! - Morgan? I'm not Morgan!
Vibes, tell them who I am!
Tell the police officers who I am!
I've never seen this man before.
I'll kill you! I can't believe you did this to me!
- We got Morgan here. - I'm not Morgan!
- Do I look like a Morgan? - Sit down and shut up! We got Morgan!
- I am not Morgan, goddammit! - Swearing in public's illegal.
- So is false arrest. - Home address?
- You're not calling my wife? - The horses are at the starting gate.
- This is costing me $5,000! - Quiet!
Hey!
- Blast him! - You can't shoot a pickpocket!
- Out of the way! - It must be a commercial.
Why are you handcuffed?
Outta the way!
Uh...ah...uh!
(PA) He's going in. Vague Lady a little restless inside the gate.
The flag is up!
- (BELL) - Don't! No! No!
- He did it! - What did I do?
Everything!
(PA) Mismatch moves up on the outside...
How do you explain the $2,400 hidden in your shoes?
- I'm having a very good day! - We're checking on a Mr J Trotter.
I'll kill you!
2232 Flamingo Lane.
Aargh!
- He said he worked for you. - A shocking incident of bumping!
Lord Byron has lost the rider! Going through, Splendid Reason...
- You do know him? - Splendid Reason wins!
Lord Byron leads, and Arctic Dancer... A shocking incident of bumping!
Lord Byron has lost the rider!
- That is a shocking incident of bumping. - Splendid Reason wins!
- I didn't lose. - Arctic Dancer second...
Weirder and weirder.
- I had the winner. - I didn't lose.
I should have lost, but I didn't lose.
There's a fine line between winning and losing.
Yes, the finish line.
When you're rich, you don't worry about losing.
I sell envelopes. If I lose 10 grand at the track,
I add half a cent to the prices of my birthday envelopes.
I'll take six dozen.
(PA) Dr Trotter, Dr J Trotter,
please pick up the nearest courtesy phone.
Excuse me.
Come back, Doctor.
Some doctor!
Right over there, sir.
(PA) Calling trainer Mel Stutey.
- Please contact the jockey's room. - Dr Trotter.
Follow me, sir.
Miss Vicki.
- Is that caviar fresh? - Yes, sir.
And a little champagne. Excellent.
Hi, honey, I knew it was you.
Trotter, sweetheart, honey darling, help me out here? What day is it?
It's Saturday, babe. Why?
Saturday! Good. I see.
I don't want to assume something I shouldn't. What time is it?
It's 1.45, doll.
"1.45, doll"! And where are you right now?
The Jockey Club. You called me.
Yes, of course. So, if what you're saying is true,
you are in the Jockey Club at the racetrack at 1.45 Saturday afternoon,
when you were supposed to be home at 12.30 starting our marriage over!
Son of a bitch! What am I going to do with you? You lousy bum!
- I hate your guts, as usual! - Listen...
How could you do this to me? What am I saying?
How could you not do this? How could I expect you to do anything but this?
You're hopeless!
I'm just as hopeless to think you'd have any consideration for my feelings.
- Jesus! - Excuse me!
This is a private conversation. Thank you. I really appreciate it.
You're gambling...
I am not gambling! I am not gambling! I am winning!
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Really! I wouldn't kid you. I'm up $2,500. I'm having a very good day.
Are you? Well, good day this, baby!
I'm calling my attorney and telling him to go for your balls!
- Listen... - You know, I think this is it.
I'm finished. We are history!
- Pam, don't panic. Get all gussied up... - You want me to get gussied up?
Come down here and see. You won't believe what's going on!
If I do, it'll be you that won't believe what's going on!
Be here in half an hour. I love you.
Trotter? Trotter!
# Ba-ba-ba-bum... #
Bastard!
Maybe one more time. But after that, no more.
I thought we'd find you at that dump across the street.
- Marty's, where all the pigs wallow. - I like your shoes.
- Buy them at a carpet sale? - Let me throw him out the window.
I hope someday you're two seconds late.
Where's your friend, Looney?
- He's not my friend. - He's late with some money.
- I wouldn't know. - Hundreds late. Sickeningly late.
Bernie, I swear to God, I hate this.
Makes my stomach turn.
Next week, it's me giving you this back.
The races make me nervous. You can't beat an animal.
Looney's in trouble. He bet the Packers.
- So? - He bet them pretty hard.
They lost 75-10, and your pal, Looney, went in for a nickel.
I thought he only bet $50.
Your friend's down $800, and some change.
Which is a lot for a bum.
When you see your buddy, please pass along this message, "Pay up."
PS, "Or else!"
I don't think I'll be seeing Mr Looney any time soon. Excuse me.
Seen Looney?
I may go and draw some savings, come back, and get back what we lost.
- I am pretty mad! - Seen Looney?
- Everybody's looking for Looney. - He said you were a jerk.
- Where is he? - Lufkin's after him. He left a number.
Looney said you turned on your friends.
- He went to give blood. - We could, and save a trip to the bank!
I am pretty cheesed off about that jockey falling off that damn horse, Sid!
Looney!
- Looney! - What?
What are you doing?
Being embalmed, if it's any business of yours.
- Lufkin is looking for you. - So?
He says you're over the limit.
- Dead men can't pay. - Don't go back to the track.
You screwed me.
I didn't! I made the bet that we were both going to bet!
I lost $50 on the one named the same as my cat! In the seventh,
one's named the same as my apartment. I'm going back.
I love the track. Great place to spend time with your best friend.
- Until he sneaks off and screws you! - You!
Out!
Give my regards to your new pals at that whorehouse you're sitting in!
Look...
...tell that guy his blood is rare.
Say he gets $20, not the regular $10.
His blood is rare. He gets $75.
75?
75 twice a week is $150. That's a lot of money!
- Some Banana Daiquiris. - Banana King's in the next race.
- Really? Where? - Where's the money?
- We're married. - Oh. We're not.
- Why don't I keep the money? - It's in my shoes.
- Give me the money! - Aah!
Purse snatchers are everywhere!
Put this on your list, Mr "I won't gamble"! What happened to that?
At least give me some of the money and you can keep $10, if you have to bet!
I don't see why you people can't watch the horses run
and not bet on them.
(WHOLE ROOM LAUGHS )
- She's new! - What's so damn funny?
Because there is no racing without betting.
That's poetic.
- Please! Airhead. - Excuse me?
- I don't want you to lose all our money. - Pam, darling, sweetheart,
I'm begging you, be quiet.
If you don't give it to me now, I'll cause a scene.
Remember your mother's house? The plate glass window?
- I'm going to the men's room. - Why?
- To take my shoes off. - I don't trust you one little bit!
You don't want me to make a scene here!
Terribly sorry.
Here comes the champ! I admit it, you are the champ!
You got more guts than sense. I love it!
- So, what do you want? - I don't know.
- You have to give me a number. - I'll be right back.
I believe you will.
I'm taking a survey. Who do you like?
I like the two horse. It's got front wraps. I always bet those horses.
- Excuse me, I'm taking a survey... - Big money on the four. Real money.
- Who do you like? - I like the six.
- Why? - I always bet on five.
- Who do you like? - Up Yours, number one.
- Thank you. - I like the four.
These other nags'll die. By the eighth pole, they'll look like they're at a bus stop.
- It's my survey. Take your own. - I like the six.
- The four. - The one.
I like the six horse.
- Three! - What do you mean?
Three to win. Let it ride.
Are you sure? I mean, of sound mind and all that?
I'm not asking for a will. I want 48 $50 win tickets on three in the seventh race.
48 $50 win tickets on the three horse in the seventh race?
- That's right. - I have to give you 48 $50 win tickets
on the three horse in the seventh race?
How much does 48 $50 win tickets
on the three horse in the seventh race pay?
48 $50 win tickets on the three horse in the seventh race at...
...25-1 will pay you...
(HE MOUTHS )
- ...approximately $69,000. - This is a lot of money.
- You won't hold any back, just in case? - In case what?
In case you get hungry or thirsty before the race ends?
A-ha.
(MACHINE CLATTERS )
Mmm.
Thanks.
It's quiet.
I do this for a living. Been doing it for 15 years.
I play the circuit. One track closes, another one opens.
Some big places, some dumps.
I've met all kinds of characters but, believe me, pal, you are the champ.
I really hope you win.
Yep, you're the greatest I've ever seen.
- I'll tell the grandchildren about you. - Thanks.
(BUZZER)
Escort this gentleman until the end of the race.
Yes, sir.
Hi.
Coming through!
You've been arrested? Where's the money?
No, no!
- These! No! - I had to.
- Lying son of a bitch! - Lay off him!
- Would you mind your own business? - She's pert, if you like pert.
Hardly nobody likes three.
- Who's she talking about? - You want another round?
You're sick! Somebody should put you in a hospital.
I just got it! I just got something real important.
After all these years, it's not my gambling that you despised.
It's been my losing!
I'm ending this marriage, or I'll have a nervous breakdown.
I might be having one right now.
- I'm going home. - Good.
- Shall I call when I win? - Yes!
Call this!
My!
- We're having some problems. - Poor Trotter.
Poor, poor Trotter.
You're looking at $69,000, or you're looking at nothing.
I've a house in the Bahamas. I love guts!
He's mine! You're mine.
(PA) The horses are approaching the starting gate.
The horses have now reached the starting gate.
(BRONCHIAL COUGH)
(PA) The horses are all in line.
The flag is up!
And away they go! Here comes Rock It and Moon Beams,
Idle Threat behind him and, in second last, it's Fleet Dreams...
- Come on, Fleet Dreams! - ... Up Yours on the inside, Rock lt...
- Come on, four! - Come on, Fleet Dreams!
- Come on, four! - Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on, four!
- It's Up Yours, then Fleet Dreams... - Come on, baby, come on!
- Rock It is in there, and Moon Beams... - Come on, you son of a bitch!
At second last, Banana King is on the outside. They come for home!
It's Moon Beams and Fleet Dreams, these two now. Up Yours at the rail...
Moon Beams is in front, Fleet Dreams is coming after him on the inside!
Moon Beams and Fleet Dreams, Up Yours and Banana King...
It's going to be Moon Beams or Fleet Dreams!
- Fleet Dreams on the inside... - Come on, come on!
Fleet Dreams gets the lead! Coming down to the wire, it's Fleet Dreams...
Fleet Dreams has won it!
- You won! - Aah!
(VICKl) Fleet Dreams won!
- Your horse won. You're a millionaire! - I've had enough!
- Come on! Get up, you crazy bitch! - He's a millionaire!
Get out of here! Jesus Christ!
Did I win? Son of a bitch!
I won! I won! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
Fucking flying son of a bitch! Fucking flying whore!
God likes me!
He really, really likes me!
Wow, what a day! What a day! What a fabulous day!
I'm having a fabulous day!
They should guard the door, so that sort doesn't get in!
- Fix your skirt, for Christ's sakes! - OK, Bernie.
- Have you ever seen such behaviour? - Can't hold his liquor!
- You might have mentioned. - What?
The three horse. You might have said you liked him.
- Think I'm so rich I don't need any extra? - Want to know how I got the three?
You want to know how I got it?
I went out in the thing and I...
Screw it!
I hate sneaky people. I knew a sissy kid in school that covered up his answers.
Who cares? Who cares?
Waiter! More champagne.
We're very busy, sir.
(BLOWS A RASPBERRY)
- That's for all you stuffy rat bastards! - How dare he!
- That is... - Why, it's outrageous behaviour!
I'm going to collect $69,000!
How gross!
(HE GROWLS )
- I'm hiring you all day. - Don't worry about a thing.
Anybody makes a funny move, shoot them!
- (YELLS ) - (SCREAMS )
No, it's OK! I know this guy!
- Pay up, you deadbeat! - No!
Don't shoot yet! I haven't got my money!
- I don't like you one fuck! - Another curse, I'll blast your head off!
- Really? - That's correct.
I lost the blood bank money! Not on a horse! I got my pocket picked.
What is this? Social hour? You owe me, you bastard! And I'm going to get it!
How much does Mr Looney owe you?
850.
(GROWLS )
I was on the phone. I was going to bet $50.
Next I'm saying, "500 on the Packers." It was like somebody else saying it!
Let him kill me! I deserve it!
I'll pay for Looney when I settle here, OK?
I can get it. I'll kill somebody.
- Watch it! - When did I last have a winning week?
December 3rd, three years ago. $22.
- Ooh! - I'm a loser! Let him kill me! I deserve it!
When I collect, I settle his sheet.
I'll owe you for the rest of my life. You're the greatest man that ever lived.
- I mean that. - Sounds fine to me.
$69,000! (WHISTLES )
Send champagne to Fleet Dreams' stall and roses to the owner.
And a case of light beer to the jockey. I'm not kidding!
Government takes half. That's 34,500.
800 on the Buick, 450 on furniture, Pam's cruise, that's...
- 430. - 17,000.
12 years' rent, 200 for champagne, 100 for roses.
- 40. - 100 for breakages at the Jockey Club.
- 58. - 850 for Looney's tab, leaves me with...
...zero,
zero, zero.
Congratulations!
I'm broke.
- About that 850 you owe... - There's all kinds of love in this world.
- I got bad news. I can't afford this... - The love I got for you is man to man.
You're a prince. You're my king.
- Ah, hell! - He'll be back.
Not me, pal. I've seen the light.
- Hey, Loon! - Mr Looney to you!
I'm owed change.
Nobody make a move!
He looks different.
I have peripheral vision. It's a gift. I can see my ears.
A guy's throwing up on the pool table on my left.
Two guys are asleep on the table on the right. A bulb's blown overhead.
- There's a fly on the money box. - What is this crap?
(PHONE RINGS )
- Hello. - Hi, honey.
Don't "honey" me! Besides, I'm drunk.
Pam, you know that race? The one you left before?
I've decided to become an alcoholic. It's the healthiest thing I've ever done.
I won. We're pretty rich.
I'm going to drink every day, morning, noon and night.
Bottles of gin, beer... I'll hide the bottles around the house.
I'm never going to cook, or clean.
Or take baths. Sell the bed if you want. Bet with it.
I'll be passing out on the floor from now on.
Because...
I don't care about the refrigerator. Sell it.
Pam, all of the money is in a green box. I haven't spent any.
- Pam? - I'm drinking and flicking ash around.
I couldn't leave you. I decided this is the only way.
- Pam... - Go make your bet.
Call me when you like. I'll be here... Passed out in a pool of vomit.
- I think we have to talk. - You can move back.
- I missed you all the time. - Oh, Pam.
- I really love you. - Well, that's...
...very sweet.
Pamela?
Sorry, I dropped the phone. Could you pick up some wine? I love you.
Do you mean that?
Of course I do.
Mean what?
- Honey? - Yeah?
What do you want to do with the box of assets?
Honey, I'm home. Pam?
Pammy?
I didn't bet.
We're rich.
I got you a little bubbly.
And I got you a nice little gift here.
Huh? Eh?
Honey?
Sweetie honey?
OK.
Ah!
$69,000!
(MOANS SLEEPILY)
Nine...piles of tiles?
What does that mean?
Five of clubs.
This horse could only be ridden by a Chinese jockey.
- In the first race. - They raced horses for generations.
It's him! It's him! He's here!
(EVERYONE CHEERS )
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it.
(CHANT) Trotter! Trotter!
Now, that's a man!
All these bums here said you were nothing but a quitter.
- But I defended you. - Yeah!
A toast!
To Trotter!
You're all great friends.
And who needs money when you got friends?
Don't worry, because we'll all be here to pick you up when it's over!
- I got an idea. - You got a horse picked out?
- I'm hot, right? - (ALL) Yeah!
I am truly hot!
And there is nothing more important than friendship.
- Nothing! - Here's what we're going to do.
We're going to take everything we've got. Everything I've got!
- And everything you've got! - Yeah!
- Every last cent! - Yeah!
We're going to put it all together into one big pile.
(ALL) Yeah!
And we're going to bet it together!
- (MAN) Yeah! - (ROOM GOES QUIET)
Looney, I'm hot!
I'm hot! Listen to me!
This is the chance that you have all been waiting for.
Next race, I'm putting up 27 stars. It's good, but I wouldn't bet my grandma.
- I wouldn't bet mine, either. - You don't understand.
- Sashay Around! - Chocaholic!
What's the name of that six horse? Let me see the jockey's name.
There's something about the sound. Diamondback. I don't know what it is.
(PA) Trainer Tony Kelly please contact the Steward's Office.
That's the guy.
Stay.
(PA ANNOUNCEMENTS )
(BUCKET RATTLES )
Guess who?
- A football salesman? - No, it's me, Vicki.
- Hi, Vicki. - Hi, Trotter.
- What are you doing here? - Nothing. What are you going to do?
- I don't know. Where's your friend? - Who, Bernie?
You can do better than that.
A girl's got to decide what's important, money or love.
No one's giving anything away. And Bernie's rich,
which can be handy.
You're a wonderful girl.
Thank you, Trotter!
I'm getting a little nervous now.
I was thinking I'd come down and ask you to go to bed with me,
'cause I think you're kind of funny, that's all.
Am I having a good day, or what?
- Vicki. - What?
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you. But I love my wife.
Oh...
I just thought I'd ask, that's all.
What is it they say? Nothing ventured, nothing...ventured.
Hey, Trotter.
Hi.
- What are you going to do? - I know what he's not going to do.
- What are you going to do? - I don't know.
- Are you going to bet on this race? - I don't know.
(HORSE WHINNIES )
- Whatever you do, don't bet on that! - Why not?
There's something wrong with its eyes. It's blind. How can they put it in a race?
Let me get this straight,
whatever I do, don't bet this horse?
- Looney, Vicki. - Nice to meet you.
Oh!
I may faint. Don't worry.
We got full medical coverage. I'll be OK.
- Let it ride. - Is it all in there?
I spent some on the little woman, but basically, yeah, it's all there.
- There are all kinds of balls. - One of his is crystal!
I can't give you $50 win tickets. That's over 1,300 tickets.
It'll jam the machine.
We'll be here till Christmas! The counting room!
2,000...
(SOBBING )
Right, I will now issue you with a receipt to the value of your wager, $68,000,
on the number two horse, which is called Hot-To-Trot.
- Should you lose this receipt... - He won't lose it.
Your bet will go through the computer that adjusts the Tote board odds.
Hot-To-Trot's sitting at 40-1.
A wager this size is going to knock it down to maybe 8-1.
You're calm. Most guys come in here are ready to gnaw the legs off the tables!
That's 'cause I'm going to win.
You're a wonderful guy!
What a guy!
- Some coke dealer went nuts again. - Heavy better, make room!
- Who do you like, Evangeline? - I'm betting all of my $200
on the four horse, Stargazer, to show.
Of course, I could lose. What if I lost?
- It's too late! - Come on, Trotter! It doesn't matter.
All right. I had lobster, a few drinks.
Bought my wife a diamond necklace. I'm OK.
I settled Looney's tab. Made friends, like you and Vicki, the ticket seller.
You can't put a price on a day like that, can you?
That's money for a ride home, and dinner out somewhere, if I lose.
- But if I win, Reardon, if I win... ! - That is him!
(ECSTATIC CHEERING )
- I was getting worried about you. - I bet 20 on the favourite.
I put every penny on the number two horse, Hot-To-Trot.
You know, when the odds went to 8-1, I knew it! He pissed it all away!
- May the best horse win! - The two!
- I think the two horse was limping! - Shut up or die, you pessimistic jinx!
I can't see!
- Run, you son of a bitch! - Come on, Hot-To-Trot!
- I swear I'll stop! - I always swear I'll quit smoking.
- I don't think so. - I bet you swore something secretly.
Who do you think you are, Jimmy Swaggart? This is a horse race!
- It just doesn't work that way! - If my horse loses, I'll wring your neck!
I can't see the two horse!
- What do you see? - Your horse is on the outside.
- Stay on the track! - It can't hear!
(VICKl) Stay on the damn track!
Come on, Stargazer, move it!
Keep it out of the money! I'll give up all my smut!
Two horses pulled away, and one's yours!
More ground to cover!
I'll leave Bernie. Pure love from now on.
I'll go for some poor guy with nothing.
Let him have it. I don't care about the lousy $200.
Marry me?
(PA) They've got three eighths of a mile left to go...
It's Stargazer...
Ah! Aah!
- They're pecker to pecker! - Who?
- Stargazer on the inside... - Come on! Please!
You can't shine a torch between them!
It's Stargazer on the outside...
- I'm getting something. - Lord, give him a break!
It's the two! Come on, two!
- Two! - Go! Two!
- You can do it, two! - Yes! Yes!
Come on!
I got it!
Stargazer just in front, but Hot-To-Trot's coming up on the outside! Hot-To-Trot,
or Stargazer, and at the wire it's...
My God!
Which was My God?
Thank God I'm poor and don't have to worry about finishes like that!
I knew it! I knew it!
- What the hell did he know? - We knew it.
Wouldn't it be hell if it gets disqualified?
Looney!
I knew it!
Sorry. Excuse me.
Thanks. That was really sweet, honey.
This!
I bet it all, honey. I let it all ride.
It's only money.
- Let the guy have it, OK? He's sweet. - The winner of the tenth race,
- number two! - (CROWD GOES WILD)
Why are they cheering?
Because they're having a very good day.
# I got the horse right here The name is Paul Revere
# And here's a guy that says if the weather's clear
# Can do, can do
# This guy says the horse can do
# I'm pickin' Valentine 'cause on the "Morning Line"
# A guy has got him figured at five to nine
# So make it Epitaph he wins it by a half
# According to this here in the "Telegraph"
# And just a minute, boys I've got the feed box noise
# It says the great grandfather was Equipoise
# I tell you Paul Revere and this is no bum steer
# It's from a handicapper that's real sincere
# But look at Epitaph he wins it by a half
# According to this here in the "Telegraph" #
# There's a perfect time when you're tempting fate
# And you lay your money down
# When you cross the line to another place
# Comes a time when you got to Let it ride
# Mm... Oh, yeah
# A victim of circumstance or a master of fate
# When it comes to taking a chance it's never too late
# Hearts on fire You got to make it through
# And at the wire you win or lose
# There's a perfect time when you're tempting fate
# And you lay your money down
# When you cross the line to another place
# Comes a time when you got to Let it ride
# Mm... Oh, yeah #
# You can take me to the cleaners where I lay my money down
# You can take me to the races again
# These are hard times for a betting man
# This is just your thing
# You better listen when the voice inside your head begins to call
# 'Cause money talks Mm... Money talks
# And when you're standing around keep your feet upon the ground
# Money talks Mm... Money talks
# Mm... Money talks
# Money talks
# Well, there's a fine line between reality and a vision in a dream
# Ooh, which one is the truth
# If the hard life of the other half can't see what it means
# You better listen when the man inside your heart begins to call
# 'Cause money talks
# Mm... Money talks
# As it all comes crashing down You keep your feet upon the ground
# 'Cause money talks #